Monday, October 3, 2011

Not just a pimple

When I was a teenager I was cursed with acne.  Not just your usual teen pimples I had the cystic type.  I had a really bad self esteem because of it.  If I had a really bad breakout I would stay home from school cause I was too embarrassed to be seen.  My parents took me to a dermatologist to try and help.  I was put on a really harsh medication.  The medication made my skin breakout and it dried it out.  I would try and cover my skin with makeup but it just looked bad because of the dry skin.  I felt even worse so I stopped taking the medication.  I was put on an antibiotic and it helped a little.  I struggled daily with my self esteem.  I wouldn't go anywhere without makeup on. When I got married I had to go off the antibiotic because of insurance so the day I got married I had a major breakout (stress).  Everybody wants to look beautiful on their wedding day but I felt hideous.  While on our honeymoon I was trying on some earrings and my husband wanted me to look into the mirror to see if I liked the earrings.  I couldn't even look in the mirror to see the earrings because I didn't want to see my reflection.  That was when I realized that I don't look in the mirror at all.  In fact I try and avoid all mirrors.  A friend at work was talking about her dermatologist one day and how great he was.  I had seen other dermatologist since being married but I decided to try out this new dermatologist.  He was able to clear my skin of new breakouts for a while but, then I had scares!  I thought that once the zits stopped I would feel better but I didn't see that I had scares under all that acne.  There is a surgery  to help minimize the scaring but it cost about nine grand.  That's a bit steep for us to pay.  My last pregnancy has really messed with my hormones so now I am having breakouts again.  At least now I can go places without feeling like piling on the make up but I am still self conscious about it.  I know it is something that I will have to struggle with for the rest of my life.