My "CRAZY" Story

After high school comes college.  Well, that was the plan anyway.  My dad used to work for UVSC so I got free tuition.  Everything was set.  I had an apartment where some friends lived, a car, books for school, and a full schedule.  I made plans to visit my family every weekend.  My first week of college was "fine".  Friday I left early to go home for the weekend.  I don't remember what I did that weekend but I remember leaving Sunday night at the latest.  I made it to Salt Lake City and I-15 was closed at 600 N.  I ended up getting lost.  I was upset and drove back home.  My dad was going to drive ahead of me and show me how to get around the construction but I was too worked up and never wanted to go back.  I remember crying uncontrollably that I didn't ever want to go back.  Thankfully I have patient parents and they let me stay.  The next day we went to Weber and I registered for the semester.  Everything in Orem got fixed and I started school at Weber.  Everything was "fine" until one day I was on my way to school to take a test when I was involved in a bad car accident.  My car was totaled and I missed my test.  After the car accident I slept a lot and slowly stopped going to school.  My mom noticed and so when I went into the doctors for something she brought up to the doctor that I was depressed.  As soon as she said that I started balling.  I took a little test and he put me on Zoloft.  I was officially on "crazy meds".  After a while I started feeling better.  It was time I get my life back.  I went to a tech school and got my x-ray license and started to work.  As long as I was taking my meds I was good.  Sometime after I had my first baby I decided to try and go off my meds.  I was on a really harsh med that made me gain a ton of weight (like 30-35 pounds).  I noticed that I wasn't so depressed but I started getting major anxiety and I started getting sick to my stomach.  I went to a specialist for my stomach and after a few tests I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  IBS is when your intestines spasm.  Apparently serotonin helps control this and so back on the meds I went.  My anxiety got better and so did my nausea.  I now know that I will have to be on some kind of meds for this and I'm okay with that.

What they don't tell you but should

Before I had kids I thought pregnancy was a beautiful thing.  Ya, I knew you could get "morning" sickness and stretch marks but that's all I thought could happen.  I think more girls should know what can really happen in pregnancy.  So, here is a list of things that happened to me.

During pregnancy

• Sensitive nipples sometimes even painful. And they change to a darker color.
• Frequent urination.  (not just when the baby is big and smashing your bladder)
• Nausea (all day and not just in the morning) and vomiting.  
• Heartburn
• Bleeding gums
• Dry hair and skin
• Tiredness (not just when your big and can't sleep cause you can't find a comfortable position)
• GAS (gas pain so bad that you think you may go into labor not to mention the urge to fart in a public place)
• Constipation
• Migraines (when I got migraines I would start to lose my peripheral vision) I only got migraines when I was pregnant.
• SWELLING! (with my first pregnancy I had "cankles" because I was so swollen.)
• Increase in vaginal discharge. (and with that comes the smell)
• Sharp abdominal pains from your abdominal muscles being ripped apart to make room for the baby.
• Charlie Horses.  (I would get them in my feet.)
• Increased pulse (the first time I was pregnant I thought I was having heart problems)
• Sciatica pain (with the second pregnancy I actually needed physical therapy it was so bad)
• Hemorrhoids (with the added pressure and constipation)
• Shortness of breath
• Pelvic soreness
• Braxton Hicks pain (some were even more painful then labor)
• Weight gain
• Stretch marks (stretch marks in thighs and boobs not just the abdomen)

After pregnancy

• Bleeding for at least a month (longest period of my life)
• Huge painful boobs (I thought I would be able to sleep on my stomach after the baby was born but I was wrong)
• Saggy boobs (whether you breastfeed or not)
• Hair loss (around 4 months postpartum) I really wish someone would have said something about this to me before it happened.  It scared the crap out of me when it happened.
• Extra loose skin in the abdomen area.  (I call it my apron cause it hangs over my pants like an apron)
• Decrease in libido (I could live the rest of my life without sex and would be perfectly happy.)

This is just a list of things that I remember about being pregnant.  You tend to forget all the bad stuff after you hold that sweet little baby.  Even though its hard there is nothing I wouldn't do for my sweet little baby girls.

I could have burnt down the house!

Being the nice person that I am I lent my sister-in-law my breast pump.  I wasn't sure I was gonna have any more kids so it wasn't that big of a deal.  Well, we had Eva so I finally got it back from her.  It was so nasty when I got it back.  Apparently she didn't wash it after the last time she used it and it smelled of rotten milk.  Being afraid of getting an infection I decided to boil the crap out of it!  It would have worked too but because I was boiling it for so long I forgot about it and left my house for 2 hours.  When we returned home the house was filled with stinky smoke.  I had melted it!  It took a couple of hours to clear of smoke.  I was lucky it didn't catch on fire and burn the house down. So, for a few days my house has smelled of burnt plastic.  Now I am pretty sure I killed any germs that were on it.







I've Been Abused

Mia is in her terrible twos.  The other day at Walmart she decided to throw a temper tantrum.  She usually decides to have tantrums in the most public places (usually Walmart).  She wanted to push the cart so being as patient as I could I let her push it.  All of a sudden she got mad and threw herself on the ground and started crying.  Usually when this happens I just wait for her to calm down. She wasn't calming down so I picked her up to go check out and that's when she scratched the hell out of my arm.  I was ready to go crazy on her.  I have seen kids have tantrums but this one was the worst.  People were staring at me probably thinking I was a really bad mom.  If only they knew what I really wanted to do!  By the time we left the store she finally calmed down.



A clean house

I thought that being a stay at home mom my house would be nice and clean everyday.  Not the case.  I swear my house is more messy with me being home.  I clean all day long and then when my husband gets home from work its a mess again.  My favorite quote is "cleaning up after growing children is like shoveling snow while its still snowing". That's how I feel.  I finish cleaning one room and turn around and there is another mess.  I feel so embarrassed when someone comes over and my house is a mess.  I feel much better when I go to someone else house and they try and apologize for the mess.  No apologies necessary it makes me feel like I'm not the only one. So, if you come to my house and see the mess I'm not going to apologize I have kids and therefore my house will be an eternal mess.  I will never be the type of mom that has an immaculate house that is just not who I am.

Purpose

I am a mom of three of the most beautiful girls (and yes I am biased) and I have been on some kind of anti-depressant since I was eighteen. I created this blog so I can write down things people don't talk about. I think that if people would talk they would discover that there are more people having the same issues and they are normal. Having three girls of my own I want them to be able to read this and know they are not alone and they can ask me anything.